What might be the the key differences between dating sex and relationship sex? Have you ever wondered?
When you sleep with someone only once, or even for just a few weeks, you never really have to know how sex might evolve or change with that person, it’s all uncertain. When sex isn’t connected with love and commitment yet and hasn’t been weathered by the passing of time, you only know it as spontaneous, new and exciting. When you’re with someone for a while, it’s very difficult for sex to be any of those things.
But relationship sex has its own appealing attributes. There’s a level of comfort you get from relationship sex that you just can’t get from dating sex and a level of excitement you get from dating sex you just can’t get from relationship sex.
Here are the key differences between dating sex and relationship sex—they’re not bad or good, they’re just hilariously true.
Relationship: Practical scheduling
Sex in a relationship can be shecduled as you are still spontaneous but not in a hurry to get it over with. How you could do it in a relationship: “Maybe if you leave work early we’ll have a time window of an hour before heading out for the party! That could be our sex time.”
Dating: No talking
In dating sex, when it’s on, it’s hot and sweaty on. The room can be filled with you laughing and chilling, and the next second, it goes silent (except for some hard smacking noises).
Relationship: Coital conversation
When you’ve been together for a while, even as you’re grabbing the vibrator and making out, you’re talking about the fact that your partner needs to add batteries for it to the shopping list on the fridge because you’re almost out. And somehow, it doesn’t kill the mood. It’s magical.
Dating: Everything is new
Even the vanilla missionary is exciting with a new person. And you have all the time in the world to slowly transition into things like doggy and ridding, welcome toys into the equation, and show them tricks you can do with ice cubes or handcuffs.
Relationship: Mixing it up is homework
You will almost run out of ways and things to do to spice things up. You will start buying sex it up books and researching toys or devices that offer different sensations. You’ll practically become a researcher on sex and become a pro.
Dating: Workshopping is hot
When it’s still dating sex, it’s somehow sexy to tell someone what you like and don’t like, and what they’re really amazing at, and what you’d like them to do differently. It all comes down to your pleasure eventually.
Relationship: Workshopping gets personal
You communicate everything about sex. If you tell your partner that he’s super lazy about his giving time, he’ll remember that. He’ll always think that you find him lazy in everything in life! It will creep into the relationship and eventually lead to problems.
Dating: No sex is a huge deal
When you just start dating and it is in the budding stages, sex is non-negotiable. If you hang out and don’t have sex, it sends you reconsidering the whole scene, makes you unsure. What does it even mean? Are we just “friends” now? Is my face ugly?
Relationship: No sex is nothing
When you’ve been together for a good amount of time, you won’t have sex as much as you did before, you have already discovered your partner’s kinks and are comfortable living with it. You can get to a point where you haven’t had sex in days and not even think of it, it’s just something you’ll think of if bored.
Dating: Makeout is key
When things are still new, you do a lot of making out, always have your tounges down each other’s throat. You just do. You’re excited about every little amount of physical contact, and their touch still gives you shivers.
Relationship: You kiss to be polite
No, not really, I mean it’s for showing affection. You always love to kiss each other. But, your relationship has reached a new, higher level of intimacy. It’s more like accompanying one another to the grocery stores or appointments. It doesn’t feel bad not to make out; you know you love each other and just like it that way. So you can get to the banging asap.
Dating: Post-coital bedtime
Here’s another thing we overthink when we’re just dating: how much time you spend in bed after the sex, is it an hour? Fifteen mins tops?. If the person pops out of bed soon after or immediately opens their laptop. It means something. And that something is generally not good.
Relationship: You have other things to do
It’s the same thing, your cards are on the table, so you don’t need to spend twenty minutes in bed after sex to prove it. In fact, you’d both rather get up so you can pick up some ice cream and watch a movie now.
Dating: Everything is separate
You’re playing it cool, trying not to make anything personal, and guarding your feelings. So your dating partner can do something gross, and you might still have sex because you don’t let non-sex things affect sex. After all sex is sex!
Relationship: Everything is connected
In a relationship, what happens outside your bed deeply affects what happens during sex. If you’ve had a wonderful, loving day full of laughter, the sex will be playful and mostly fun. If you’re feeling cold and aggressive towards each other, the sex might be distant, non-existent or just inconsiderate.
Dating: You’re physically perfect
You can have dating sex under any circumstances. Be it on an upset stomach when you have cramps and a headache, nothing in the world will stop you. Somehow the adrenaline of sex with a new partner puts all that stuff in the back of your head out of your head!
Relationship: You’re physically a mess
When you’re in a relationship, you just say, “Hey, I’m heavily bleeding and my head is splitting, how about you give me back rubs till I fall asleep?.”
Dating: You compare
When it’s still dating, you compare how sex is with every person you have ever been with. You also compare your own performance and probably rate it too. You’re very aware of “how” people are at sex and where you land on that scale.
Relationship: Nobody else exists
When you’re in a great long term relationship, you can’t imagine having sex with anyone else. You can barely remember having sex with anybody else ever. And you’re not at all conscious of your performance, you know how you are. It’s not a performance anymore, you love every breathtaking moment of it!
Sparks and fireworks don’t last forever, it comes down to two people putting in the right effort to make it happy and lasting. Dating sex and relationship sex are vastly different but its again down to two people to make anything work!