Should you blame the ‘other woman’?

Other-woman-sex-and-relationship-Lifestyle-DKODING

A pointy nose, perfect hair, daunty eyes and an unpleasant wicked grin on her face. Isn’t that the stereotype of the ‘other woman’ we all have in our heads.

We call them ‘man-stealers’ but did they really steal someone who was so readily available to be stolen in the first place? It’s too easy to blame a third person for breaking your relationship when in reality it was the person you loved and trusted who broke your heart.

If you have ever been cheated on, the topic of the other woman will most likely strike a raw nerve. We love to hate her, and rightly so. But before you start slut shaming her for making your man cheat on you, you need to look at the number reason she did so- the consent of your man which was given to her.

You know it takes two to Mamba- You were in a relationship with him and not her. He’s the one who owed you loyalty and honesty. Whether or not she’s an evil temptress is not the point here. Sure, she should have cared about girl power and sisterhood, but she didn’t owe you even half as much as he did.

Another possibility that can very well be real is that she didn’t even know. Half the time men who are likely to cheat on their loved ones don’t just put all their cards on the table and often lie about their relationship status. He could have charmed her into thinking she was his one and only. So you might hate her, but he’s the one who could be lying to both of you.

“Cheaters gonna cheat and liars gonna lie.”

DON’T YOU DARE BLAME THE GENDER AND GIVE IN TO THE STEREOTYPES FOR THIS WRECK (if you do then, chances are you are the wicked witch from the west). It’s very common for people to say bullshit like ‘Men will be men’ or ‘it’s a woman’s job not to look at other woman’s man’. The issue isn’t about gender. It’s about people either being cool or disgusting about cheating in love. Men who cheat shouldn’t be let off because they’re men. That’s just some archaic poppycock.

The other woman or a side chick is really not the issue because if she was not the one, it most definitely would have been someone else. Your partner was looking for an affair, not looking for her in particular. She happened to be just an option for him at the right time and the right space. (It’s probably your guy who is the evil wizard/witch here)

At the end of the day, if you are going to blame the other woman for using your man, then you will probably find yourself to be blaming yourself for the train wreck that your relationship has come to.

Here is how it goes: it starts with thoughts like, “God, how dare she steal him from me?” and then it becomes, “Damn, how could she even manage to get his attention? She must be prettier, hotter or smarter than me.” This then makes you hate yourself (Tada). Another loophole how women are subjected to gender norms and discrimination even if it was not their fault in the first place.

Rather than going in this direction of self-blaming, what you can do which is a constructive way to deal is to assess your own relationship with your man. Was it turning dull and you both at one point of time let it go? Maybe you guys together stopped gelling together and figure what really went down for this crack in the glass.

His lousy personality or maybe the two of you as a couple? A question worth asking him in the confrontation is to know whether this affair or him canoodling outside was a just a slip or something real and tangible for him. But no matter how things were wired in his mind, it’s never okay to cheat. NEVER.