Relationships are full of ups and downs, but they can also have long lulls in which you just don’t feel the same level of intimacy or excitement with your partner.
When we feel disconnected from our romantic partner what we often want most is to genuinely feel their love again to feel connected. And yet it can be so difficult to simply share that longing.
So instead of explaining or asking for what we want in a loving way, we complain about what is wrong, about how our partner isn’t showing up for us.
It’s not always easy to feel strongly connected to your partner.
Life gets in the way, works keep you really busy, and before you know it, you haven’t had a tender moment with them in a while.
Here are hacks to use to feel instantly closer to your partner
Show interest in things they like
No, this doesn’t mean you have to actually like it or pretend to like it yourself. There’s that all too familiar TV trope of one spouse rolling their eyes while their partner rattles on about something boring (football for men and shopping for women). Using encouraging language and asking your partner about the things they are passionate about as neutral as you might be about the topic yourself- makes people feel closer.
Start a new workout together
Couples who sweat together are proven to stay together, so find a new exercise regimen that excites both of you. It could be joining a local cross fit or trying to stand up paddle boarding for the first time. Getting your heart rates up alongside one another will increase romantic feelings, make you happier, and strengthen your emotional bond.
Think about the hot post workout tryst you could potential have.
Make playlist for each other
There is evidence that listening to music has actual physiological benefits, like giving us a boost of oxytocin, which is also known as the love hormone due to release during social bonding activities like cuddling or sex. One way you could add to all those good feels is by making each other playlist.
Music is so personal and you can immediately feel a newfound closeness to your partner, when you listen to a playlist they made of the music that got them through high school, for instance.
Make out more
You probably don’t kiss as often as you did at the beginning of your relationship, back when everything was so new and exciting. Well lips are more sensitive than fingertips, so don’t skimp out on the make out sessions. When you lock lips with the one you love, a burst of adrenaline hits you in the brain and tension is reduced, it is essentially the fastest way to feel emotionally close to your partner.
Reveal one new thing you each want to try in bed
It’s a no brainer that fulfilling each other’s sexual fantasies is a bond-booster. If having the talk up front feels to stilt or broad, you can take individual surveys and take it from there directly to the bedroom.
Read the same book
One way to jolt the creative juices and help you feel more connected with your partner is to have both of you pick up the same book and read it independently. You can come back together and have heaps of interesting stuff to talk about and you could even find new, sexy intellectual facts of each other you had never seen before.
This kind of intellectual stimulation often leads to a stronger physical bond as well.
Do more eye-gazing in bed
Eye contact during sex may not feel the most natural, but it is a crucial part of bonding in bed. Uninterrupted eye contact can be freaky, but if you are in a position like missionary or cowgirl where you are positioned to look directly at each other, try to fix your gaze on their eyes. It will help to build a stronger feeling of trust in a moment when you are potentially the most vulnerable.
Cuddling just makes everything better. Cuddling for just 15 minutes floods your body and brain with positive effects including a boatload of oxytocin, a natural hormone that helps you trust people more.
Intimate cuddling automatically makes you feel more affectionate as well.
These little exercises are handed out in couples therapy and are worth checking out even if you’re not having issues.