Will the violins play in the background? Will people break into a choreographed dance sequence at random public places? Will you guys have a slow-motion scene on a rainy night when you will suddenly realise that ‘yes, this is the person for me’?
Let us put it mildly for you. IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN, SON!
Love is as complicated as those tangled earphones stuffed inside a bag along with gazillion other things.
If you ask Google whether you are in love or not? It will show you tons of bullshit advice articles with checklists that you can just mark off with about anyone you care for.
There exists a difference between lust, attachment, and LOVE.
Lust is all about desire. While love is much more than just desire. There are extreme differences between love and lust that may seem so little or subtle, but really make a difference.
There are many signs that indicates its just plain horny lust-
- You both focus more on each other’s physical characteristics more.
- You fantasize about being with a person who is not your supposedly significant other.
- You guys hardly ever discuss your feelings.
- There is no intimate attachment or friendship bond.
- You say what they want to hear and not what they need to hear.
- You have minimal eye contact post your sexual activities.
Lust does come in the form of a checklist. But when it comes to love, it’s more than just some silly markers or points.
Love is more than just liking a person for their body or liking someone as a person.
Attachment, on the other hand, is all about being in a comfort zone and being habitual to a person rather than being with the person. Basically, if the idea of a person excites you more than the person itself, You are in a PFA. (Please find attachment)
You will meet tons of people in this lifetime, who you will like, for who they are. But do you really love this person for yourself is the question you need to ask?
Yes! You may see your future with them, they might inspire you, you can’t be away from each other and they might even be the person of your wildest dreams and fantasy. But the only way to know if it’s actual mature kind of love (And not just one of your man crush Monday or woman crush Wednesday) is to know that-
How to know if you really Love this person is by deciding that you do. (WAIT WHAAAT??)
Let us explain this trickery in simple words to you, Reader-san.
A. You don’t feel love. You DO it.
It’s an act, not a feeling. It’s a moment by moment decision and re-commitment. You know because it’s deliberate and conscious. So once you fall in love, you will know by your own actions.
Love is like a car. It needs daily refueling. And love is like pooping. It’s a daily task you need to do.
B. Effort is the new sexy
So when you actually love a person you will start investing in them. Not just mentally but physically. You prioritize their point of views. You learn their love language. You support them. You back them. You think in terms of their interests, not yours, and their needs as your own. You care and take care. You accept every part of them and in turn let them accept all your flaws and imperfections. (John Legend suddenly starts making sense? Then its LOVE,)
The litmus test on love lies with the question-
What you are willing to do for this person to make them happy? And how much happiness you derive from doing things for them?
C. You do the act of loving even when you don’t want to
You know there are days when you don’t feel like in love or are too busy with other things in life. But even on these days, you do these acts of love regardless. When storms hit, your boat is still on waters with your mental health intact. It’s love if you don’t “fight;” instead you disagree.
You know because you love even when you’re pissed.
You know you are in love because you love even when you’re hurt.
Instead of asking if you are in love, you should learn about how to love. How to deal with those bad phases and how to keep swimming in rough waters? This is way more important than just being in the label of ‘love’.