There’s nothing quite like the company of a pet! Aside from their ability to change your life and being extremely cute, one really weird thing about pets is their ability to c*ck block you. Like pooping and tearing up your favourite pair of shoes, it’s just a skill that comes naturally to them.
It’s fun to have your pets around until you’re trying to get it on with your partner. It’s common for pet owners to allow their dog or cat to stay in the bedroom when they have sex.
But does it ever feel like your pet has been ruining the mood? Don’t worry you’re not alone. Here are a few anonymous pet owners sharing their awkward sex stories!
1. Humpi*g Monster
“One time, my husband and I were having sex in the kitchen—cooking turned into sexy time—and all of a sudden our dog jumped up and started humpi*g my husband. Needless to say, the moment was quickly ruined, though we did still get a delicious dinner.”
2. The four-legged mood killer
“My ex and I were having sex on the couch. My pug came in from the other room, jumped on the couch and threw up. “
“I don’t know if the pug was more disgusted by us or vice-versa.”
3. The Dog knows his style better
“My fiancé and I were doing it doggy style — ironic — when our dog jumped up on our bed and started humping the pillow like crazy. He definitely ruined the mood.”
4. Maybe a 3-some?
“Anytime my husband and I kissed, she would jump up and stick her tongue between ours. And when we’d make our way to the bedroom, she’d follow. “
“Normally, she never jumped on the bed but the minute we’d be having adult playtime up there, she could suddenly spring up on to that mattress like it was NBD.”
5. I hope you finished.
“My then-girlfriend and I were having sex in the bedroom one night. My dog was just relaxing on her bed on the floor. There was plenty of soft moaning going on already, but whenever things started getting a little more intense, I gradually got a little louder. “
“Right when I was about to climax, my dog thought I was being hurt and suddenly jumped up on the bed practically on top of us and got all in my face looking so concerned.”
6. What just happened here?
“My wife and I were making out on our bed, slowly starting to undress each other, when all of a sudden; we stopped and looked at each other. We both had the feeling we were being watched.”
“Sure enough, we looked over and there was our cat, sitting like a person, leaning on one of our pillows, d*ck out and his paw rubbing it.
We haven’t looked at him the same way again.“
7. I Hope He Doesn’t Wake Up With All That Moaning
“The first time my dog saw my boyfriend and I having sex, we were the ones who didn’t know what to do. Should we kick him out? Get him off the bed? But he just kind of watched and didn’t seem to care.”
“Now every time he’ll just hang out and eventually keep sleeping like the lazy puppy he is!”
“Our dog refuses to sleep anywhere except in bed, in between my husband and me. Because of this, we have to find alternative places to have sex -which might sound fun and adventurous, but anytime we get to business he’ll pop out of nowhere.”
Well, sixth sense used right.
“I was giving a guy a hand job when my cat came in, demanding to be pet. Well, I attempted to multitask, but I ended up doing a weird combo of petting and rubbing to my cat and the guy’s pe*is. A ‘pat your head and rub your belly’ kind of thing.”
10. A BOOP! Nobody expected.
“A few nights ago, I was bending over to take off my pants in a sexy striptease type move, and my dog ran over and stuck his nose right in my bare butt.”
“I screamed, and my husband could not stop laughing. It killed the sexy vibe for a minute, but we were actually able to get it back.”
11. AAGHH Gross!
“Anytime we try to have sex, though, our dog won’t get off the bed. We’ll push him off, but he’ll always jump back on—or he’ll stay at the foot of the bed licking my toes. Awkward!”
“Y’all, my husband and I were having sex when our cat hopped up on the bed and licked my nip. I guess she saw my husband doing it and wondered what the fuss was about?”
13. So Naïve
“My dog is 5 years old, and every single time my husband and I try to get it on, she tries to, um, partake. If I’m giving my husband a bl*w job she thinks she should, too—and she’ll get her head right where mine is, tongue out, and ready to ‘help.”
14. Mommy Likes It
“In addition, she cries—loudly—when we have sex in anything other than a quiet, very loving manner. If I’m on top, she’ll lay in bed next to us, staring at us intently. If my husband happens to be behind me, she’ll loudly bark at him, like, ‘Stop hurting Mommy!’
“What she doesn’t know is that sometimes Mommy likes it!”
15. The Hair-covered Voyeur You Never Asked For
“Very difficult to stay in the moment when there’s an eager set of eyes staring you down. We tried shutting the bedroom door but she’d bark on the other side the entire time.”