You are not the only one with a broken heart right now, there are million others — welcome to the official breakup season!
Did you too start your new years on a fresh note, telling goodbye to your romantic relationship? No, I didn’t, but there are plenty of people across the globe who were quick to break up from their partners before the holiday season kicked in. So if you are currently dealing with a heartbreak or taking in gulp of fresh air after calling off the relationship that wasn’t working with you, you are not alone.
And while I tell you that you are not alone, the trend is not something new. Data reveals that December and January have been the most common months for break up since long time. Therefore, it won’t come as a surprise if you know someone who recently broke up or yourself spent the holiday season coming in terms with a heartbreak.
January is actually The National Breakup Month, and here is why
While I write this, I recall how two out of three total break ups of my life actually happened in January and the third in December. And while it sounds like a support prose for the subject we are talking about, it is not.
As the holiday seasons kicks in, so does the contemplation around your life partner. There are some logical reasons as to why people want to conclude whether their relationship is worth going forward with as the year ends.
The holiday season can be a big plunge for partners as it comes with an expectation of being introduced to their family. If things are going south, couples might want to end their relationship in early December so as to avoid an awkward holiday seasons. This is one reason why December 11 is regarded as the most common day for break ups.
The same goes for new year. Many couples would want to end the unhappy romantic trajectory before the Valentine season kicks in.
Oh, the human urge to start fresh with new year!
There is another psychology that works during the beginning of a new year. While walking into a brand new year, many people would want to believe that they are taking along only the things that will contribute to their growth and happiness. And if your relationship doesn’t fulfill those needs, you know what the course would be.
A good introspection can reveal that sometimes, people are better off their partners. And while this feeling can kick in at any time of the year, new year’s add a symbolic urge to it- the same that leads us to picking new year’s resolutions.
This becomes especially true if your relationship has been physically or mentally abusive. After sustaining violence and gaslighting for months and years, holiday season comes as a reflection period with love and warmth of family and friends. The contrast can make people realize how cutting strings from a toxic partner can be a step towards fulfilling life.
And while it is absolutely healthy to do what is right for you, you should still do it in the most empathetic way possible. Not only for the peace of your partner but also your own.
If you think it’s time, this is how you should break up with your partner
There is no ideal way of breaking up- it all comes down to what causes you the least chaos and pain. If your relationship has been abusive to the level that you can’t even recognize yourself, you have the absolute right to walk off without explanation or even bring in legal help if required. On the contrary, you can always bid goodbye on a good note if the relationship is now dysfunctional but was exactly what you needed at some point in time.
In any case, one needs do to what makes the process easiest for oneself. While there are no rules, there are definitely some tips that can help-
- Be honest about the reason for break up. While it sounds like a no brainer, this is where most of the people go wrong. If you want a peaceful breakup, you must be honest with your partner. A reason that makes no sense or sounds like an excuse will not only bug them but also you when they come around over and over again to ask you the real reason. So, keep it real.
- You might want to you “I” to address the issues instead of making it sound like blame by addressing it with “you”. Instead of saying, “you made me feel unwanted,” try saying, “I felt unwanted.” It is wise to leave as little ground for arguments as possible while breaking up.
- Be kind. There is no reason for you to be rude or arrogant while ending a relationship. This might be the last time you talk to them, at least as partners, so leave them with something good to think about you.
- Don’t get into too much details. Yes, it is important to keep it direct and honest. But there is no point stating what they did last summer when your mother threw a lunch party at her home. Stating details only make lead to arguments, in fact, things might even turn ugly.
- Keep the break up close ended. No need to ask them open-ended questions. Instead of saying, “I can’t do it anymore, I think we should break up. What do you think?,” say, “Sorry, I can’t do it anymore. I am calling this relationship off.”
And the most important tip out of all is to not wait until new year’s or the holiday season if you know you are in a dysfunctional relationship. December and January can make things seem easier, but there is no other right time except now.
